Anxiety Control Center

Today I’ll begin by answering questions many of you have sent in.

Then in the next month I’ll be giving information on tips
for relieving stress in children
and other parenting tools.

Today I’ll begin with a quick answer to the question
“Why use hypnosis ?

What can self-hypnotic techniques do for you.

Why I use hypnosis:   I believe it is vital for quick, lasting change.  I use hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming in all of my programs.

There are many reasons  to learn to use hypnosis and self-hypnosis.  The first is that Hypnosis  opens the doorway to the power of the unconscious mind. The unconscious holds resources needed to change old habits quickly and permanently.  Hypnosis also allows you the ability to tap into inner strengths that are stored in the unconscious.  It can also be used to get to the underlying root and release old emotional “junk”.   When you learn to use hypnosis techniques you can change old negative reactions and limits at the very root of where they started.

In the upcoming weeks I’ll continue to post tips for reducing stress and fear in children.  And will be adding a new section on communication secrets that can make it easy to get your children to listen. Note: These tips work great with adults too.

Looking forward to hearing from you, with questions or comments.

Would you like a copy of
2 Calming Exercises ?
go to the box on the upper right of this screen
put you name and email – click on the sign in here tab.
And you will receive our gift of 
2 easy to learn exercises.
Available for a LIMITED time
so, be sure to get them now.

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The following post is from a note that came from one of my amazing clients.  She is the mother of a beautiful 3 year old and had used what she has learned in therapy to help her own child.  When she told me about how she dealt with her daughter’s fear I asked her to send in her story so others could benefit from it too.

I believe that what she had to say is so powerful that I’m posting it today.  Parents may find her story useful as they help their own children deal with fear of the dark.  It can also be  individualized  to help with other specific fears.  Thank you “J”  for sending this in.

The following is the note from “J”:
“I used to believe my panic was brought on by the changes in weather.  Night time also used to bring with it terrible anxiety.  Whenever it was a rainy or cloudy day, my panic was at its best (meaning worst).  During thunderstorms, I my anxiety was off the charts. Actually in any weather, other than sunny, I felt “unsafe”.

After working with Audrey, so much of my fear has lifted.   I now can say that I truly know I am OK no matter the weather.  In actuality the weather had nothing to do with my panic, even though at the time it seemed to control me.

Here is what happened that stimulated me to create a story that would help my daughter deal with her fear of the dark.  One evening while driving, my 3yr old daughter said, “Mom, I don’t like the night. It’s scary.”  When I heard those words, I began to feel sad that my sweet little daughter was dealing with fear and anxiety.  And I could feel a rumbling of the old fear I used to have,. But this time, instead of continuing with all types of fearful thoughts, (like I would have done before changing the way I deal with fear,)  I decided to turn it into a positive story where both my daughter and I both felt safe.  This story just seemed to bubble up out of my mind and this is what I said to my daughter.

“Honey, night time doesn’t need to be scary, because it is just as beautiful as the day time.  At night, we get to see the moon and talk with the stars . . .  During the day . . .  the Sun likes to come out to play. . .

Sometimes . . .  the clouds say to the sun . . .  “Ms. Sun, you’ve had your fun . . . now it is our turn to come out and stay. . .   The rain is wonderful and it likes to wash away dirt and clean the air.  . .  Thunder and lightening, give us a drum and light show in the sky. . .   No matter what the weather or time of day, you can create a place you like to be. . .  And if you are scared, you can talk to g-d. G-d . . .  who will always be there to listen. . .   and if you ask g-d to send a calming light you can feel safe. . . all you need to do is imagine this light all around you . . .   and as it is all around you all you need to do is breath it in and notice how different that feels, knowing all is well.”

My daughter LOVED this story and it helped ME as I told it to her as well!”

Again, thanks for this great note.  I welcome everyone’s thoughts and I am happy
to post helpful stories and comments like the one above.
Looking forward to hearing from you too.

If you would like to get a copy of
2 different Exercises to create calm
go to the box on the upper right of this screen
put you name and email – click on the sign in here tab.
And you will receive our gift of 
2 easy to learn exercises.
Available for a LIMITED time
so, be sure to get them now.

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Learn to “see” things in a different way

Hi, I’m Tish and you will be seeing regular posts from me.  I am a Hypnotherapist at the Anxiety Control Center and I have been helping people get relief from such issues as anxiety, panic, anger and health related stress issues for over 12 years.  I welcome your questions and comments, and look forward to hearing from you.

Our own minds can sometimes be our worst enemy, which is interesting because that is one of the very few things that we actually have control over. We don’t have control over other people’s behavior, the taxes we are charged, the weather and hundreds of other things.  We do have control over our thoughts. I have found that sometimes people get so focused on the negative aspect of situations that they can’t even believe that there may be a positive in it somewhere.  Sometimes people just need a little help, or reframing, to see that positive, And at times, I too, need some.

We recently moved and found that some of our furniture would not fit into our new house. One piece in particular was an expensive piece of furniture. It was well constructed of solid wood and was in excellent condition, so I decided to sell it.

It took a while, but I finally found someone who was interested and sold it.  I knew I was going to get a considerable amount less than I paid, but I didn’t expect to practically give it away.  So while I felt good that it sold, there was a part of me that felt like it should have sold for more money and I felt cheated.

I was telling my son this and he did a beautiful reframe for me. He said “well mom, you had it for15 years, so you really got your money’s worth.”  Once he said that, I felt a wonderful shift occur in my body, I did some quick math and realized that it cost less than a dollar a day to enjoy my beautiful piece of furniture. Less than a morning beverage at the local coffee shop!   And now, some other family is going to continue to reap the benefits of this beautiful piece of furniture.

So a reframe is simply another way of viewing a situation.  Many times people look at a situation and only see the negative aspect.  The meaning of a situation is a result of what each individual decides to focus on.  I was focusing on the loss of money. My son’s reframe actually had me “see” that it was, in fact, a bargain while I owned it.

Think of a recent situation that occurred where you felt a negative emotion and you may find that there are other ways to “look” at it that are actually positive.

I welcome your feedback and questions, and will write more on specific issues you send in.

Want to begin your journey now,  sign in at the box at the top right of this page and
claim your
2 powerful mind calming exercises.

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You’ve asked for a special workshop just for teens and we heard you.

Join us for a Free Preview of this New Workshop
for Teens suffering with Panic

On Tuesday, June 30, 2009 if you are in the Cherry Hill, NJ area,
come and meet Tish Schuman LPC, CMH, NCC,
one of our specially trained Hypno-therapists.

Tish has been using the Transformation System developed at the
Anxiety Control Center to help people gain instant relief from
anxiety and panic for over 12 years.
She will be available to teach and to answer your questions  personally.

Experience some of the state of the art techniques we use to help our clients
get relief from fear of flying, phobias, test anxiety and procrastination.
Everyone will go home with something they can use right away.

Would you like to get detailed instructions
for two powerful techniques to stop stress today?

Just fill in your name and email in the box at the right
and they will be emailed to you immediately.

Please click here for dates and more details
on the life changing workshop for teens.

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I hope you have been practicing the “2 for 1″ exercise from last week, write to me at askdraudrey@gmail.com and let me know how it is working for you, I welcome your questions.  This week we will start by discussing a technique that can very quickly change  feelings, and even change pain, just by changing the elements of the picture.  Then at the end of the week I will give you the details for using this powerful technique. By learning to systematically change the elements of the pictures you create in your mind, it also creates a different feeling.

I know you are ready to get to the exercise, it is worth waiting for , I believe you will be truly  delighted at what is possible.  This is so powerful that I have successfully taught people to use a combination of these techniques to get relief from migraines, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and even nausea (in pregnancy and in other conditions).

So, if you haven’t read last weeks exercise, you still have a few days to practice it before we move  ahead with the next technique where we will be using Neuro-Linguistic Programming, (NLP).   NLP is a powerful way to use words and images to re-program reactions.  The technique I am talking about  is just a tiny part of the vast ways of using NLP and your mind, to create quick and lasting change.  I will be holding a Q & A teleseminar in June to provide more information. Sign in on the box at the right to be put on our mailing list, and when you sign it you give also get a powerful breathing exercise to produce calm in just seconds.

In the NLP technique we will be using at the end of the week we will be changing the elements of an image.   The reason to learn to do this is that when you learn this technique you will have a quick way to negative feeling.  When we change the elements or parts of the picture amazing things happen to the feelings you have.    As a simple example  pretend you are looking at picture of a beautiful sunset in all its glory in full color.  Imagine what feeling that would create. But now imagine that you are changing the picture to black and white, that would perhaps create a different feeling for you. Imagine it in shades of brown, that creates yet another feeling (or even no feeling).  Next, keep the picture of the sunset in full color but this time imagine that there are the harsh sounds of traffic and people yelling in the background, that would probably create a completely different feeling.  But if you take out those sounds and  floated in the sounds of your favorite music to go with the  color image that might create yet another feeling.

You can use this same type of technique with the pictures or images you have in your mind.  It is important to understand a number of things before going ahead with this technique.

1. First you need to get the picture that you want to work with.
2. Then you write down all the elements in the picture.  I will give you questions today to help you with this.
3. Once you have the elements we can begin to change them one at a time.  This is very important, change only one element at a time.  Notice how it changes things, and then put it back to the original.
4. Then you change the next element, all the while making notes of the effect on the picture and on the feelings you have.
5. When you find all of the elements that go in the direction you desire, you then change them all and notice what happens.

NOTE:   When we are working with a memory or image of something that brought on negative feelings, some element changes will make the feeling worse, some will make it better and some will have no effect.  That is why it is so important to change just one thing at a time.  This is so powerful that some people feel more comfortable having someone trained in these techniques to help them the first time. I am happy set up an appointment to do that, and I offer a free consultation, just contact me at askdraudrey@gmail.com.

So for today let’s start the process by answering the following questions. They will help you to get the elements of the image.  For this exercise use a slightly negative memory, not a major problem. We will be using it as a practice exercise, so you can see what happens as you change the elements.   I will give detailed directions in my next post for changing the elements.  For today we are learning about the elements of the picture/memory/image.

Some of the elements that we will be looking at are: color, size, sound, brightness and focus.

1.  Think of a slightly negative event, or memory.  Becoming aware of the thoughts and images and notice the feelings that go with it.  You might even notice where in your body you feel the emotions.  (The feelings in the body can also be shifted using the NLP technique).

2. Answer the following questions:
a.  Is the image in color or black and white?
b.  Is any one else is in the picture? What is their expression?
c.  What effect does their expression have on your feeling?
d.  Is anything smaller or larger than life, or is everything life size?
e.  Is there any sound in the picture?”
f.  Is it a snap shot or a moving picture?
g.  Is the image bright or dim?
h.  Is it in focus or out of focus?

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I was asked by a parent of a child with disabilities to answer some questions for her to post on her blog that helps parents of children with special  needs.  This post is an excerpt of the answers I gave her.

She wrote this about me: Audrey Sussman, PhD is a nationally recognized seminar leader and author.  Her Transformation System gives the keys to relief from panic, phobias, fear, anger, migraines and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. If you are suffering, you have a better life to gain. For more tips on getting relief from stress visit her website at http://www.anxietycontrolcenter.com

The following  are the Questions and excerpts of the Answers I gave her.

1. So why are some people more prone to worrying than others?

Have you ever been watching your child at play, feeling love and joy and all of a sudden find your thoughts spinning off into all sorts of worry? Has one worrisome thought ever brought on a terrible cycle of more fearful thoughts?  If this has happened you are not alone.

There are many reasons for the different ways people respond to the world they live in.  An event that hardly creates a ripple in one person’s life can completely distress another person.  People react differently because of deeply rooted emotions and beliefs, which become filters for their perceptions and the way they interpret events.  A person’s past experiences will “color” their current interpretation and reactions to events, sometimes in positive ways, but also in less than helpful ones.  When a person reacts to an event, it is often not just the present day situation they are reacting to, but an entire chain of emotions going back all the way to childhood.

As children, we form beliefs that continue to run into adulthood.  We also develop patterns and coping techniques intended to help us deal with stress or protect us from danger.  Although these patterns and beliefs may serve a positive purpose at the time they were formed, they are no longer useful for the adult.

For example, I had a client who felt that if she didn’t worry something bad would happen.  She had a number of experiences in her very traumatic childhood where she learned that it wasn’t safe to just be, she had to run every possible consequence through her mind to keep her safe from her alcoholic parent. She learned that worry protected her, so that even as an adult, she still found herself consumed with worry.  The circumstances had changed, but the thought pattern hadn’t.  Instead of serving her by protecting her from harm, worry was actually getting in the way of her living her life to the fullest.

Fortunately, through the use of hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, time line and vibrational healing my clients have found that they can change these thought patterns at the subconscious root from which they spring.   Adjust the thought pattern, and unnecessary worry disappears.

2. Is worrying ever a good thing?  Some of us are very talented at it!
Sometimes worry is a fleeting feeling of concern.  This is a natural part of being a parent trying to protect your child from harm.  For parents of children who have special needs it is understandable that worry can take on a whole new meaning. The reality is that your child has to overcome additional hardships.  As a parent, you are constantly dealing with the extra stress that comes with wanting to protect your child and at times feeling helpless or unsure what the future will hold.

Let’s look at the positive purpose of worry.  Despite all the negative feelings attached to it, worry can serve a positive function when it prepares you for possible future difficulties.  It can alert you to things that need to be taken care of, or of consequences of certain actions.  Worry can keep you watchful for symptoms that indicate a possible life-threatening problem, or it can motivate you to take positive action to improve the quality of your child’s life.

However, once you have done everything in your power to anticipate and prepare for possible future problems, worry ceases to serve a positive function.   When your thoughts cycle into negative, scary future possibilities about things that are outside of your control, it is time to learn techniques to stop worry from putting another hardship in your life.

3. Got any simple techniques for stopping worry in its tracks?

There are many different techniques that can be used to stop worry and the stress that results from it.  Choosing the most effective one depends on which part of the stress cycle you are in:  the cognitive, physical or the emotional.

Many times the cognitive part of the cycle is where worry begins. It relates to the way you are filtering information, and the stories you are telling yourself based on your perceptions.  The emotional part relates to the subconscious feelings that anchor these perceptions.  One way to think of this is like looking at an event through a stained glass window.  The cognitive part relates to the direction in which you fix your gaze, what you choose to look at, and what you think about it.  The physical/emotional part is the window itself, the specific tint of the stained glass colors that affects everything you see.

Cognitively, the feeling of worry does not come from the event itself.  It comes from the stories we tell ourselves about the event:  both stories about scary possibilities we imagine for the future, and stories about traumatic experiences we remember from the past.

If you want to break the cognitive part of the stress cycle and stop negative thoughts, there is an excellent exercise called the “2 for 1″ technique.  It draws upon the same powerful imagination that you use to create negative stories but instead you use it to create positive thoughts instead.

This technique gives you a potent way to consciously transforming negative thoughts into positive ones.  By practicing it consistently, you cannot only begin to change the cognitive thought cycles that are causing your worry, but also adjusts the unconscious assumptions that keep the cycles alive.

Next time you find yourself spinning into a worry cycle, start by paying attention to the thoughts and stories that are going through your mind, and then do the following:

Step 1: Write down the facts of the event.  What is actually happening right now in the present moment?

Step 2:  Make a list of each thought, picture or story that is triggered by this event.  Stay in a curious state, letting all the negative thoughts come to the surface.  These may be fears that you have for the future, or past traumatic experiences that this event brings back to you.  As you write down these thoughts you will start to realize that no matter how much you might believe the thoughts to be true, they are still just one possible way things might happen.

Once you have a list of the negative thoughts, stories and pictures you are ready for the next step.

Step 3: Cross out the first negative thought you have written down, and write down two possible positive thoughts or possible positive outcomes in its place.  Repeat this for each negative thought on the list, until all your negative thoughts are crossed out and replaced by positive ones.

Most of us are far more used to telling ourselves negative stories than positive ones.  So it may feel a little strange at first to accept these positive thoughts as readily as you did the negative ones.  So at first the “2 for 1″ technique may take some conscious effort.  With practice, you will find that the positive thoughts start to pop up on their own, just as the negative ones once did.  By harnessing the power of the same powerful imagination that created the negative stories, you can create a whole range of positive possibilities, which replace the cycle of worry with one of hope and potential.

4.  I’d love to hear an example of a woman you recently worked with who effectively put one of your techniques to use – a success story, if you will.

Here is an example one parent I worked with. I am sure this story will resonate with all parents.  Her son had recently lost part of his hand in a fireworks accident, and as she watched him struggling to tie his shoe with one hand, she found herself spinning into a terrible worry cycle.

In her imagination, she was moving from the facts of the present moment, to a whole range of terrible thoughts and worries for the future: Will he be able to function in a job?  Will he be accepted?  Will this accident change he cheerful personality? She also found herself remembering traumas from the past—remembering how other people had looked at him in the emergency room, and even thinking about how she’d been teased as a child and worrying that it would be even worse for him.

Fortunately, before she allowed this cycle of worry to overtake her, she remembered the “2 for 1″ exercise.  She started with the facts of the present event.  Her son was struggling to tie his shoe.  She then wrote down all the negative thoughts that were passing through her mind, and replaced them with positive ones.  She thought about the things he did well, his keen mind, his energy, his goofy sense of humor, she imagined him playing with his friends, thought about jobs in which he could be successful, even imagined him graduating from college and getting married.

And as she did so and stopped the cycle of worry, she noticed something that surprised her:  the proud smile on her son’s face as he bounded up to her, his sneakers tied in a perfect knot.

It was then that she realized, at this moment, it wasn’t her son who was struggling.  It was her.

During our sessions together, we built on this realization using a combination of advanced hypnotic, NLP and time-line techniques.  As a result we were able to change this emotional part of the cycle:  the “stained glass” window of worry that was obscuring her perception, by releasing the deep-rooted emotions and adjusting the old thought patterns that were fueling her worry.

5.  What if I really believe that the thoughts I have might come true in the future, is there anything I can do about that?

Both the positive and negative thoughts you create about possible future events are fictional.  The problem with negative thoughts and pictures you create, in your mind, is that even though they possibly will never happen, the unconscious mind nevertheless accepts them as if they are true.  And you react with fear in the present moment to something that hasn’t even happened.

In just the same way, when you create positive thoughts, the unconscious mind also accepts them as true, creating a reaction that opens you to the positive possibilities.

Positive and negative thoughts both spring from the same place: your imagination.  They are simply stories.  You have the power of your own mind. So as long as you make up stories, you might as well choose ones that can serve you in a positive way.

6. What’s your best piece of advice for parents of children with special needs?
Parents of special needs children have many stressors that never even enter the minds of other parents.  In fact, many times it is the parent that suffers more than the child, as they struggle to reconcile their dreams for their child with the struggles of everyday life.  Amazingly, children have a way of taking even the most difficult, frustrating situations in stride. The best thing you can do for your child is what you are already doing, being proud of each accomplishment, celebrating what is unique about your child, and continuing to find and celebrate each wonderful gift.

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