Anxiety Control Center

Continuation for yesterdays post on creating the state of mind your desire.

I welcome your feedback and questions, and will write more on specific issues you send in.  To contact me with your questions click here.

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The formula for Life Changing Mantras

Negatives mantras “playing in the back of your mind” can cause you to doubt your own talents or abilities, to feel responsible or guilty for things that are not your fault, and even get in the way in relationships.  The feelings produced by mantras can lead to over-eating, anxiety, procrastination, addiction and depression.  Negative mantras can keep you from achieving your goals and take the joy out of the things you love.

At first it may take awhile to become aware of these negative mantras, but with time and practice, they will begin to emerge. Whenever negative thoughts and images move through your mind they have an effect on your mood. No matter how intelligent, creative or successful you may be these messages cause stress and even self-doubt.  As a hypno-therapist, I see the pain that is caused when people beat themselves up with negative self-talk.  Sometimes we are consciously aware of the harmful messages, but many times thoughts move so quickly that we aren’t even aware we just had a thought.  What we are aware of is tension and stress negative thoughts leave behind.

So what can you do if negative mantras are interfering in your life?  The first step is to recognize your negative mantras. Just start by paying attention when uncomfortable feelings surface.  As you become aware of your feelings, “listen” for the dis-empowering thoughts passing through your mind.

Often, when we have a negative feeling, we’re not even aware of that . . .   continued tomorrow.

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Setting Goals: 5 Steps to Getting Things done
Tips come from Jake Krueger in his most recent newsletter.

The following are tips that Jake Krueger one of our hypno-counselors created to help his writing students.  I think they can easily be converted for any goal you are working towards,  so I’m re-posting them here.  Just insert the goal you have for the goal of writing.

Yesterday you read the first step for setting achievable goals.

Today Jake continues with step 5.

STEP 5
At the end of the week, evaluate- did you achieve your goals?  Use the criteria below to set your goals for the next week, and repeat steps 3-5.

IF YOU FELL SHORT OF YOUR GOAL

RELAX!  This is not the end of the world. It just means you set your initial goal too high.

Whatever you do, DON’T punish yourself. It will not make you a better writer to beat yourself up.  All it will do is take the joy out of writing, and make your resistance even stronger.

Instead, take note of what you DID accomplish and congratulate yourself for that. If you expected to write 7 pages, and only wrote 3, celebrate the three pages you have written.  If you expected to write for an hour one day, and only wrote for ten minutes, take a moment to appreciate the ten minutes of writing you accomplished.

Then, adjust your goals for next week to reflect what you now KNOW you are capable of doing.  Whatever you successfully wrote this week becomes the goal for next week.

For example, if you’d set a goal of seven pages, and only wrote three, your goal for next week would be three pages.

If you planned to write for an hour, and only wrote for ten minutes, your goal for next week would be ten minutes.

Remember, the point of this exercise is not to have BIG goals, it’s to have ACHIEVABLE goals, so that writing can start to feel like a joyful, successful, and integrated part of your life.

IF YOU ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL

Great job! You are already establishing a rhythm for yourself, and it will soon pay big dividends in your writing.

Set the SAME goal for next week, repeat steps 3-5, and keep that rhythm going.

IF YOU EXCEEDED YOUR GOAL

Congratulations!  Often, by setting small goals that we know we can accomplish, we set the stage for even bigger success.

To get the most out of your writing, you can now increase your goals for next week, to reflect what you actually are capable of accomplishing.

Set the amount of writing you accomplished THIS week as the goal for NEXT week, and repeat steps 3-5.

In this way, your goals can grow as your ability grows, and writing can become organically integrated into your life.

Remember, if there ever comes a time you fall short, you must adjust the goal for the following week back to the level that you actually accomplished.

Repeat this process for a full month, and notice what changes for you.

Jake

To receive Jake’s newsletter each month just email him at writingclassesnyc@gmail.com.

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Setting Goals: 5 Steps to Getting Things done
Tips come from Jake Krueger in his most recent newsletter.

The following are tips that Jake Krueger one of our hypno-counselors created to help his writing students.  I think they can easily be converted for any goal you are working towards,  so I’m re-posting them here.  Just insert the goal you have for the goal of writing.

Yesterday you read the first step for setting achievable goals.

Today Jake continues with step 4.

STEP 4
Now follow your schedule throughout the week. Remember, when you achieve that goal, you are DONE. You can choose to continue if you wish. But you can also choose to close down your laptop, and feel that sense of accomplishment of a full writing day (even if your goal was only a few minutes or a quarter page of writing).

Accomplishing and CELEBRATING achievable goals is one of the most powerful things you can do to integrate writing into your life. So do something nice for yourself after each successful writing day, just like you’d hope a boss or a co-worker would do after a big meeting. Compliment yourself. Treat yourself to something. Remember, the reward should be equally great whether you simply meet your goal or end up exceeding it.

If there is a day when you do not meet your goal, accept it and MOVE ON. Don’t increase your goal for the next day. Don’t punish yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Just remind yourself that you will do better on your next writing day, and concentrate on meeting the goal you originally set out for yourself on the day you scheduled to do so.

Look for tip 5 tomorrow.

To receive Jake’s newsletter each month just email him at writingclassesnyc@gmail.com.

Sign in on the box on the right to be put on our mailing list and receive 2 powerful exercises for creating calm.

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Detailed Directions for the  “2 For 1 Exercise”

To  stop stress and anxiety caused by thoughts of events that haven’t even happened yet, use this really powerful   technique.   Yes, it is true that this exercise will take a bit of work in the beginning, but with practice you will find it becomes an automatic habit.

OVERVIEW:
Step 1:  Make a list of any negative thoughts that go through your mind.  Use just one situation or event.

Step 2:  To help yourself to create enhancing thoughts, think about other possible “stories” about what might happen in the future.  Create 2 positive “stories” for each negative “story” you had created.

Step 3: Using the new positive thoughts will help you to  change the habit of negative thinking.

Full Directions for The “2 for 1″ exercise:

1. Write down any negative thoughts you have going through your mind, about a situation.  Write down any thought or “story” that causes stress or leads to other uncomfortable emotions.

It is important to write down the thoughts and images.  By putting them down on paper  you don’t have to keep going over them in your mind.  In a few moments you will begin to think of other possible outcomes that could also be possible.

2.  After identifying a negative thoughts or stories -  STOP -  and focus on the feelings they produce.  As you become aware of emotions notice where the feeling is “held” in your body.  Make a note of what words or images go with the thoughts or feelings.

3.  Sometimes a negative “story” or thought goes through the mind so quickly, that at first you might not even conscious of it.  Sometimes you will notice the physical reaction before even realizing there was a thought.  So take a moment to search for these thoughts, and the physical reaction to them.   If there is trouble finding the thought, just go back in your mind, to the event causing upset.  Then, go to the moment just before the emotion was felt, and let you unconscious mind bring to the surface any images, sounds or memories.

Being curious is the best state to be in to bring thoughts and images into awareness.  Write down the thoughts, negative “stories” or images that move through your mind.

Negative thoughts can create a vicious cycle as more negative thoughts pop up to support the first one.  This creates unnecessary anguish and stress.  People can create many negative thoughts in just an instant.  By recognizing a thought, it becomes possible to stop, and correct the negative thought process.

4.  When you feel a bodily reaction, such as tightness, pain in the stomach, head, chest, etc. ask yourself: What are you saying in your mind?  Remember there is always a trigger for bodily reactions.

5.  As you become aware of any negative statements answer the following questions
a.  For one day, pay attention to how many negative thoughts you create.
b. How often in a day do you have negative comments flowing through your mind?
c.  Would you talk to your best friend this way?  Would they still be your best friend ?
d. Is there a benefit that comes from speaking to yourself in this negative way?  What do you gain?
e.  What is the negative result of thinking in this way?
f.  If you believe there is a benefit, can this benefit be gained in a different, more self-enhancing way?

6.  Create 2 positive believable possibilities for every negative thought.

7.  Every time a negative thought moves through your mind, replace it with two positive ones.
a.  The positives need to be something that is believable.  For instance, saying “I’ll handle it” is a positive statement that is believable, since we do handle things that come our way.
b.  It will not help to say, “everything is OK” if you do not truly feel this way, for then it is not a believable, positive statement.

8.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, use the power of your own mind in a productive way.  Think of A BIG RED STOP SIGN, and hear the word “STOP,” shouted out in your mind.  Then, say two of the positive thoughts that you have written down to replace each old negative one.

REMINDERS: ‘2 for 1” EXERCISE
a.  Changing negative thoughts to positive ones is done at the conscious level at first. Eventually the habit of changing negative thoughts into positives ones happens automatically, almost without any thought.

b.  The positives need to be believable.

c. It takes time to change any habit.  Just as an athlete practices to be good at his sport, this technique takes practice as well.

d.  Practice this for three weeks, and be amazed at how automatic this positive habit becomes.

e.  Over time the “2 for 1 technique” creates more self-acceptance, calm and confidence.

Next week we will discuss another way to use your mind to stop negative thinking.  If you would like a head start, add the following to your exercise.  You might find your answers in the next exercise to be interesting, since you are beginning to look at the smaller elements that make up thoughts and images.    I will discuss what to do with the answers in my post next week on using advanced  NLP techniques for stress relief.

Exercise for Next week.  After becoming aware of the thoughts underling uncomfortable feelings, answer the following questions:
a.  Is the image in color or black and white?
b.  Is any one else is in the picture? What is their expression?
c.  What effect does their expression have on your feeling?
d. Is anything smaller or larger than life, or is everything life size?
e.  Is there any sound in the picture?”
f.  Is it a snap shot or a moving picture?
g.  Is the image bright or dim?  Is it in focus or out of focus?

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I was asked by a parent of a child with disabilities to answer some questions for her to post on her blog that helps parents of children with special  needs.  This post is an excerpt of the answers I gave her.

She wrote this about me: Audrey Sussman, PhD is a nationally recognized seminar leader and author.  Her Transformation System gives the keys to relief from panic, phobias, fear, anger, migraines and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. If you are suffering, you have a better life to gain. For more tips on getting relief from stress visit her website at http://www.anxietycontrolcenter.com

The following  are the Questions and excerpts of the Answers I gave her.

1. So why are some people more prone to worrying than others?

Have you ever been watching your child at play, feeling love and joy and all of a sudden find your thoughts spinning off into all sorts of worry? Has one worrisome thought ever brought on a terrible cycle of more fearful thoughts?  If this has happened you are not alone.

There are many reasons for the different ways people respond to the world they live in.  An event that hardly creates a ripple in one person’s life can completely distress another person.  People react differently because of deeply rooted emotions and beliefs, which become filters for their perceptions and the way they interpret events.  A person’s past experiences will “color” their current interpretation and reactions to events, sometimes in positive ways, but also in less than helpful ones.  When a person reacts to an event, it is often not just the present day situation they are reacting to, but an entire chain of emotions going back all the way to childhood.

As children, we form beliefs that continue to run into adulthood.  We also develop patterns and coping techniques intended to help us deal with stress or protect us from danger.  Although these patterns and beliefs may serve a positive purpose at the time they were formed, they are no longer useful for the adult.

For example, I had a client who felt that if she didn’t worry something bad would happen.  She had a number of experiences in her very traumatic childhood where she learned that it wasn’t safe to just be, she had to run every possible consequence through her mind to keep her safe from her alcoholic parent. She learned that worry protected her, so that even as an adult, she still found herself consumed with worry.  The circumstances had changed, but the thought pattern hadn’t.  Instead of serving her by protecting her from harm, worry was actually getting in the way of her living her life to the fullest.

Fortunately, through the use of hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, time line and vibrational healing my clients have found that they can change these thought patterns at the subconscious root from which they spring.   Adjust the thought pattern, and unnecessary worry disappears.

2. Is worrying ever a good thing?  Some of us are very talented at it!
Sometimes worry is a fleeting feeling of concern.  This is a natural part of being a parent trying to protect your child from harm.  For parents of children who have special needs it is understandable that worry can take on a whole new meaning. The reality is that your child has to overcome additional hardships.  As a parent, you are constantly dealing with the extra stress that comes with wanting to protect your child and at times feeling helpless or unsure what the future will hold.

Let’s look at the positive purpose of worry.  Despite all the negative feelings attached to it, worry can serve a positive function when it prepares you for possible future difficulties.  It can alert you to things that need to be taken care of, or of consequences of certain actions.  Worry can keep you watchful for symptoms that indicate a possible life-threatening problem, or it can motivate you to take positive action to improve the quality of your child’s life.

However, once you have done everything in your power to anticipate and prepare for possible future problems, worry ceases to serve a positive function.   When your thoughts cycle into negative, scary future possibilities about things that are outside of your control, it is time to learn techniques to stop worry from putting another hardship in your life.

3. Got any simple techniques for stopping worry in its tracks?

There are many different techniques that can be used to stop worry and the stress that results from it.  Choosing the most effective one depends on which part of the stress cycle you are in:  the cognitive, physical or the emotional.

Many times the cognitive part of the cycle is where worry begins. It relates to the way you are filtering information, and the stories you are telling yourself based on your perceptions.  The emotional part relates to the subconscious feelings that anchor these perceptions.  One way to think of this is like looking at an event through a stained glass window.  The cognitive part relates to the direction in which you fix your gaze, what you choose to look at, and what you think about it.  The physical/emotional part is the window itself, the specific tint of the stained glass colors that affects everything you see.

Cognitively, the feeling of worry does not come from the event itself.  It comes from the stories we tell ourselves about the event:  both stories about scary possibilities we imagine for the future, and stories about traumatic experiences we remember from the past.

If you want to break the cognitive part of the stress cycle and stop negative thoughts, there is an excellent exercise called the “2 for 1″ technique.  It draws upon the same powerful imagination that you use to create negative stories but instead you use it to create positive thoughts instead.

This technique gives you a potent way to consciously transforming negative thoughts into positive ones.  By practicing it consistently, you cannot only begin to change the cognitive thought cycles that are causing your worry, but also adjusts the unconscious assumptions that keep the cycles alive.

Next time you find yourself spinning into a worry cycle, start by paying attention to the thoughts and stories that are going through your mind, and then do the following:

Step 1: Write down the facts of the event.  What is actually happening right now in the present moment?

Step 2:  Make a list of each thought, picture or story that is triggered by this event.  Stay in a curious state, letting all the negative thoughts come to the surface.  These may be fears that you have for the future, or past traumatic experiences that this event brings back to you.  As you write down these thoughts you will start to realize that no matter how much you might believe the thoughts to be true, they are still just one possible way things might happen.

Once you have a list of the negative thoughts, stories and pictures you are ready for the next step.

Step 3: Cross out the first negative thought you have written down, and write down two possible positive thoughts or possible positive outcomes in its place.  Repeat this for each negative thought on the list, until all your negative thoughts are crossed out and replaced by positive ones.

Most of us are far more used to telling ourselves negative stories than positive ones.  So it may feel a little strange at first to accept these positive thoughts as readily as you did the negative ones.  So at first the “2 for 1″ technique may take some conscious effort.  With practice, you will find that the positive thoughts start to pop up on their own, just as the negative ones once did.  By harnessing the power of the same powerful imagination that created the negative stories, you can create a whole range of positive possibilities, which replace the cycle of worry with one of hope and potential.

4.  I’d love to hear an example of a woman you recently worked with who effectively put one of your techniques to use – a success story, if you will.

Here is an example one parent I worked with. I am sure this story will resonate with all parents.  Her son had recently lost part of his hand in a fireworks accident, and as she watched him struggling to tie his shoe with one hand, she found herself spinning into a terrible worry cycle.

In her imagination, she was moving from the facts of the present moment, to a whole range of terrible thoughts and worries for the future: Will he be able to function in a job?  Will he be accepted?  Will this accident change he cheerful personality? She also found herself remembering traumas from the past—remembering how other people had looked at him in the emergency room, and even thinking about how she’d been teased as a child and worrying that it would be even worse for him.

Fortunately, before she allowed this cycle of worry to overtake her, she remembered the “2 for 1″ exercise.  She started with the facts of the present event.  Her son was struggling to tie his shoe.  She then wrote down all the negative thoughts that were passing through her mind, and replaced them with positive ones.  She thought about the things he did well, his keen mind, his energy, his goofy sense of humor, she imagined him playing with his friends, thought about jobs in which he could be successful, even imagined him graduating from college and getting married.

And as she did so and stopped the cycle of worry, she noticed something that surprised her:  the proud smile on her son’s face as he bounded up to her, his sneakers tied in a perfect knot.

It was then that she realized, at this moment, it wasn’t her son who was struggling.  It was her.

During our sessions together, we built on this realization using a combination of advanced hypnotic, NLP and time-line techniques.  As a result we were able to change this emotional part of the cycle:  the “stained glass” window of worry that was obscuring her perception, by releasing the deep-rooted emotions and adjusting the old thought patterns that were fueling her worry.

5.  What if I really believe that the thoughts I have might come true in the future, is there anything I can do about that?

Both the positive and negative thoughts you create about possible future events are fictional.  The problem with negative thoughts and pictures you create, in your mind, is that even though they possibly will never happen, the unconscious mind nevertheless accepts them as if they are true.  And you react with fear in the present moment to something that hasn’t even happened.

In just the same way, when you create positive thoughts, the unconscious mind also accepts them as true, creating a reaction that opens you to the positive possibilities.

Positive and negative thoughts both spring from the same place: your imagination.  They are simply stories.  You have the power of your own mind. So as long as you make up stories, you might as well choose ones that can serve you in a positive way.

6. What’s your best piece of advice for parents of children with special needs?
Parents of special needs children have many stressors that never even enter the minds of other parents.  In fact, many times it is the parent that suffers more than the child, as they struggle to reconcile their dreams for their child with the struggles of everyday life.  Amazingly, children have a way of taking even the most difficult, frustrating situations in stride. The best thing you can do for your child is what you are already doing, being proud of each accomplishment, celebrating what is unique about your child, and continuing to find and celebrate each wonderful gift.

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Have you ever been watching your child at play, feeling love and joy and all of a sudden find your thoughts spinning off into all sorts of worry? Has one worrisome thought ever brought on a terrible cycle of more fearful thoughts?  If this has happened you are not alone.

Sometimes worry is a fleeting feeling of concern which is just a part of being a parent, trying to protect a child. But, for parents of children who have special needs it is understandable that worry can take on a whole new meaning. The reality is, that your child has to overcome additional hardships and you are now dealing with the additional stress that comes with loving and caring about your child.  Wanting to protect your child and at times feeling helpless not knowing what the future will hold.   When we create thoughts about possible negative future concerns, ones that are outside of anyone’s control these types of worry serve no positive purpose.  And these are the ones we will talk about changing because they can create great pain that mixes in with the joy and love of your child.

Before I talk about techniques to stop worry in its tracks, let’s look at the positive purpose of worry.  It can alert you to things that need to be taken care of, or of consequences of certain actions.  Worry can keep you watchful for symptoms that indicate a possible life-threatening problem, or it can motivate you to take care of something that needs to be done.  But when worry starts to cycle into all sorts of negative, scary future possibilities over which you have no control it stops serving a positive purpose.

So, why are some people more prone to worry than others? The reason people react differently is rooted in what they experience in childhood.  Children learn patterns to deal with stress that serve a positive purpose at the time, but many times these patterns are no longer useful for the adult.  Children also form beliefs in childhood continue to run in adulthood.  I had a client who believed that worrying about someone meant that she cared.  You can see how difficult it would be for her to stop worrying about those she cared about, until she was able to change that old belief.  I had another client who felt that if she didn’t worry something bad would happen.  She had an number of experiences in her very traumatic childhood where she learned that just it wasn’t safe to just be, she had to run every possible consequence through her mind to keep her safe from her alcoholic parent.  She learned that worry protected her, so that even as an adult, she found it difficult to let go of the old belief that if you don’t worry something bad will happen.  There are techniques to change these types of patterns and beliefs, which are best done with someone trained in Transformation System techniques.  There are also techniques to use your own thoughts to change patterns, and that is what I will share with you today.

It may surprise you to learn that you can get relief from even the most painful feelings. These techniques are easy to learn and with practice they can become part of a new way of reacting to worry

If you feel anxiety, worry, sadness or even anger, you already have the secret of changing these feeling. It does require knowing how your mind works which gives us information that can be used to change old patterns.  More on this in my next post tomorrow.

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