Anxiety Control Center

My dad just gave me a note that he had been carrying around with him for the past 2 years.  I had sent him the  note  when he was grieving the loss of his wife of 32 years. I am reprinting it her in hopes that it can help others who are grieving, as it helped my dad.  I have removed the very personal parts and just left the information I sent him about how to change feelings  by  creating pictures and  thoughts that create pleasant scenes rather than ones of pain and sadness.

USING THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION TO GAIN CONTROL OVER EMOTIONS

Dad read this, I hope it might help in some way, with you pain and loneliness you are feeling.  Dad, in this very sad time I realize how hard it is to believe you will ever feel happy again.  And grief is normal and expected when you lose someone you love.  But, as the months have passed  I listen to you, and as you describe the pictures you are remembering they are about feeling hopeless because of the pain and suffering you keep seeing your wonderful wife going through.   I see how these “pictures”  affects you as you relive those traumatic memories.   Yet, I also hear you talking  about many wonderful times you had together before her illness, but almost as soon as you have those thoughts the pictures of pain and sadness, overtake you again.   I am sending you some thoughts that come from the book I wrote called, Power of Thought.   I know what a positive person you have been your whole life.  Always finding the “silver lining” no matter how hard the situation, and I hope as you read the words they will remind you of how to do this again.  Perhaps you will use you wonderful creativity to add to my thoughts on this and use your thoughts and memories in a way that creates sweet joy, instead of horror and pain.

Dad here is the excerpt, I’m not editing it too much.  First I want to say that it’s important to know that  emotions are brought on by the thoughts and pictures we create.  A thought is an image that you project.   It has force and energy and carries vibrations that move throughout the mind and body.  A vibration, as I am using the word  is an energy wave or feeling that comes from the mind of the thinker.  Vibrations that come from thoughts have an impact on the mind and body.  Thoughts and the vibrations attached to them, function like a magnet that attracts similar thoughts. So when you have painful thoughts they attract more memories of pain and sadness. And,  you can change your thoughts to ones that create peaceful feelings, and they will attract other memories and feelings of peace and balance.

Even if the images that are created  are not on the conscious level, they still vibrate within your system.  The more emotion a thought holds, the more impact the “thought, picture or vibration” will have.

No matter what is going on in life, people can learn to be in command of the thoughts they create.  Even when there are stressors and events outside of your control, your thoughts can be developed in a way that has a positive impact, even changing  how you interpret  events.  Dad, I know that you have used this technique many times in the past, like the time you went to get the wig for your wife, after chemo, and you were so touched and happy about how caring the person who helped you was, you came back from that appointment feeling uplifted, even though the situation was still a difficult one. So you already understand that, no matter what events may have transpired  your mind can  create thoughts that enhance your well-being.  Your own mind, and the thoughts you create, can be the most powerful resource for you when you use it in this enhancing way.  So continue to guide your thoughts with positive energy, putting a positive spin on even a “negative” event.

I haven’t sent you the previous chapters which have an introduction on how old events influence a person’s present outlook, because I know how you have used your mind in a positive way through out my growing up years. So, I’m not sending you the discussion on creating the deep change, by clearing out old limiting beliefs and repressed emotions.

I am reminding you that without even doing deep change work, to release those old sad memories and trauma of the past few years, you can make changes using your thoughts to re-program  the way your mind works, creating thoughts and pictures that work better that those of pain and loss. This is powerful way to reduce sadness, loneliness and stress.  So remember pictures and thoughts that lead to reactions can be changed on a conscious level (as you know we did some unconscious work to get rid of your headaches, and we can do some more NLP work if you want to change the mental images that are troubling you, but for now start being curious about new images you create.  For every negative one, create two that work better.   I know it is a “push” to do this when you are sad, yet it really can make a powerful difference in your emotional state.   I’ll talk to you more about this later.    Just wanted to have it in writing so you can refer to these notes when you want.

Remmeber your body is a complex living system,  every part affects every other part, including your emotions and you healing.  Your thoughts create physical reactions, such as the clenching in your stomach after a particularly traumatic memory.  Even a quick thought can generate a physical reaction in the body.  For example, just thinking about a fun vacation you had, remember the boat trip in the blue lagoon in Italy, I can see you smiling as you talk about it.   That memory created a reaction or vibration in your body, as if it were happening in the present.   What you think has an impact on the “vibrations” that are sent throughout your body.  So, the way a you think can lead to positive vibrations, which lead to feelings of happiness, joy and contentment.    So I leave you with this to think about, I know you have already created a path of positive memories, so this is just a gentle reminder in how to use your mind in this time a recovery.  With all my love. Audrey

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Unhappy With Your Life? It Could Be Negative Mantras.

Dr. Audrey talks about Negative Mantras

Have you ever doubted yourself or been hesitant to speak out when others have ideas in conflict with yours? Have you ever procrastinated because you were afraid you just couldn’t do something perfect enough?  Have you ever wondered why people who are less talented, attractive or intelligent than you are seem to feel so much better about themselves than you do?

Many intelligent, creative and successful people harbor inner self doubt that would amaze anyone looking in from the outside. As a therapist, I see the pain that is caused when people beat themselves up mentally with negative self-talk. Some of the people who come to see me are already aware of the harmful messages they give themselves.  But others send themselves these messages unconsciously, replaying them over and over without even being aware of them. I call these harmful messages “negative mantras”.

For a long time, eastern religions have known the power of mantras. These are powerful phrases, repeated over and over, in order to bring about a positive spiritual change. And though you might not have such a fancy name for it, the chances are that you probably use mantras everyday.  Quite simply, mantras are the things we tell ourselves.  A mantra could be what you say to yourself to get psyched up for a big meeting.  Or what you tell yourself to stay positive when life is getting you down. When mantras are positive and constructive, they can help us enjoy our lives and achieve our goals.  But the negative things we tell ourselves can also act as mantras, and can have a profound effect on our lives.

Negatives mantras can cause you to feel responsibility and guilt for things that are not your fault, hamper your ability to get along in relationships, or cause you to doubt your own talents or abilities. These feelings can lead to over-eating, anxiety, procrastination, addiction and depression.  Negative mantras can keep you from achieving your goals and take the joy out of the things you love.

So what can you do if negative mantras are interfering in your life? Read the rest of this entry »

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3 Ways We Create Stress

1.    Cognitively (what we say to ourselves, our own thoughts)

2. Emotionally (feeling bad about negative messages we give ourselves)

3.  Physically /Behaviorally (quick short breaths high in chest starts the heart pounding)

Each of these circle around creating a cycle of more stress, fear and panic. For example, you might not even be aware you had a negative thought but you do feel your breathing quicken and your heart starts to pound (physical part of the cycle).  Then you start to worry about why this is happening and what is possibly wrong with you (cognitive or thought part of the cycle).  Then you get angry that it is happening, (emotional part of the cycle).

And the cycle goes around and around creating havoc in your life.

You can stop this viscious cycle by making a change in any of the
3 parts of the cycle.
For example, using the “2 for 1 Exercise”
stops the cycle on the
cognitive/thinking part of the cycle.

Getting to the root and releasing repressed emotions
stops the cycle on the
emotional part of the cycle.

Or using the “HAAAA Breath,” will change it
on the physical level.

A change in any part of the cycle has enormous benefit.  Stopping any one area is like stopping an electrical current.  When you break the circuit and the emotions stop running around and around,  and stress, fear and anxiety stop compounding each other.

Want to start on the path to calm right now?
Claim your own copy of 2 powerful mind calming exercises,
just sign in at the box at the top right of this page

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You’ve asked for a special workshop just for teens and we heard you.

Join us for a Free Preview of this New Workshop
for Teens suffering with Panic

On Tuesday, June 30, 2009 if you are in the Cherry Hill, NJ area,
come and meet Tish Schuman LPC, CMH, NCC,
one of our specially trained Hypno-therapists.

Tish has been using the Transformation System developed at the
Anxiety Control Center to help people gain instant relief from
anxiety and panic for over 12 years.
She will be available to teach and to answer your questions  personally.

Experience some of the state of the art techniques we use to help our clients
get relief from fear of flying, phobias, test anxiety and procrastination.
Everyone will go home with something they can use right away.

Would you like to get detailed instructions
for two powerful techniques to stop stress today?

Just fill in your name and email in the box at the right
and they will be emailed to you immediately.

Please click here for dates and more details
on the life changing workshop for teens.

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Hello again, as I was getting this post together I realized that it was going to take me a bit longer to give you the step by step method that is important for success. So this post will be in two installments.  The first part is important.  You will learn to rate your level of emotion, using a very simple rating scale. It is vital to know where you are on the emotional scale before doing an exercise, because then you will easily notice when the emotion changes.  Even a slight change will be obvious when you use the rating scale before and after any stress relief exercise.

As we discussed last week there are many ways to use your mind to stop negative thinking.  If you haven’t already done the exercises I gave in my last two posts, please do it now.  Each exercise builds on the one before it.  Although they can stand alone, you will probably find that things will flow more easily if you have been following along  and doing each exercise in the order I have set up.

Because we are moving into very powerful techniques, if you have any medical or emotional conditions I advise you to check with your doctor before doing any of the following exercises.

Overview for today’s exercise:
1. First you need to get the memory that you want to work with.
2. As you think about the event in the memory,  you will rate your emotional level on the zero to ten scale.
3. Then you begin to write down all the elements in the picture.  Color, size, clarity, focus, sound, I will repeat the questions today to help you with this.
4. Once you have the elements the next post will tell you how to begin to change them.  It will be very important, to follow the directions for this and to change only one element at a time.

NOTE:   When we are working with a memory or image of something that brought on negative feelings, some element changes will make the feeling worse, some will make it better and some will have no effect.  That is why it is so important to change just one thing at a time.  This is so powerful that some people feel more comfortable having someone trained in these techniques to help them the first time. I am happy set up an appointment to do that, and I offer a free consultation, just contact me at askdraudrey@gmail.com.

Part 1: Recap of  information for changing negative feelings:
1. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) gives a very powerful way to use your mind.  What we will be experiencing today is just a small part of what is possible using NLP techniques.

2.  Last week we answered the questions to help you to recognize the elements or parts that make up the picture that causes distress. Some of the parts we talked about were: color,size, focus,brightness.  If you haven’t done the exercise yet, the questions will be repeated in today’s exercise.

3.  As we discussed in the last post, we will be changing small parts or elements of your “stress picture.” This is the image that creates upset when you think about it.  It can be something that happened in the past or something that you are worried about happening in the future.   Remember as you do this exercise that changing each element will have a different effect.  Changing some elements will create a change in a positive direction, some will have no effect, and others might even make the feeling worse.

4.  If you have any concerns, it would be best to have a person trained in these techniques to guide you through on a one to one basis.  Feel free to send any question to me before continuing with the exercise at askdraudrey@gmail.com.

Part 2: NLP Exercise.
1.  Think of the event or situation that typically causes you stress. (If you didn’t do the “2 for 1 Exercise for Stress Relief” it might be helpful to go back to that post and practice it before continuing).

2.  The very first thing I have my clients do is to rate their level of stress before doing any exercise.  To rate your emotion using this scale is very easy.  Imagine that there is a scale that goes from zero to ten.  With zero meaning no emotion or you can do what some of my clients do and think of the 0 as being calm.  Ten would then represent the highest level of emotion.  Ten could stand for panic, anxiety, sadness, fear or whatever emotion you are rating.

3.  Rate the level of emotion as you think about the negative memory. For example: If it is towards the calm side of the scale it could be in the 0 to 3 range, some anxiety could be 4 to 6 and beginning of panic could be 7 to 10.  You just pick the number that best represents the emotional level for you. This is your rating gauge, so for example if we were rating pain and typically you were in a lot of pain,  but today was a good day, you’re level 2 might be another person’s level 6.

4.  Rate how intense the feeling is on a scale of 0 _________ 10. As you think about the negative event or memory.
(Zero representing calm and Ten representing the highest level of emotion).
Write down a number that represents your  level of emotion.  Since this is just a slightly negative memory  the number will probably be between 3 to  6.

5. Remember, for this exercise use a slightly negative memory, not a major problem.  We are using this as a practice exercise, so you can experience what happens when we start changing the elements in the picture.

6. The questions that follow are designed to help you to uncover the elements of the picture that we will be changing. Answer the following questions to learn about the elements or parts that make up your picture:
a. Is the picture in color?  Or is it in black and white?
b. Is the picture bright or dim?
c. Is it in focus or out of focus?
d. Is anything in the picture smaller than life?  Larger than life?  Or is everything life size?
e.  Are there any sounds in the picture?  (For example: people talking, cars, birds chirping, the wind)
f. If there are sounds are they pleasant or disturbing.
g.  Is it a “snap shot” or still picture?  Or  is it a moving picture?
h. Is any one else is in the picture?
i. If there is someone else, notice their expression? What feeling does it create?

Once again rate your discomfort (feeling) on a scale of 1  to 10. With 1 being totally calm and 10 feeling the emotion. (ie. annoyed, scared, irritated, fearful, sad)

Next post will give the details for Changing the Elements for an amazing experience.

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I hope you have been practicing the “2 for 1″ exercise from last week, write to me at askdraudrey@gmail.com and let me know how it is working for you, I welcome your questions.  This week we will start by discussing a technique that can very quickly change  feelings, and even change pain, just by changing the elements of the picture.  Then at the end of the week I will give you the details for using this powerful technique. By learning to systematically change the elements of the pictures you create in your mind, it also creates a different feeling.

I know you are ready to get to the exercise, it is worth waiting for , I believe you will be truly  delighted at what is possible.  This is so powerful that I have successfully taught people to use a combination of these techniques to get relief from migraines, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and even nausea (in pregnancy and in other conditions).

So, if you haven’t read last weeks exercise, you still have a few days to practice it before we move  ahead with the next technique where we will be using Neuro-Linguistic Programming, (NLP).   NLP is a powerful way to use words and images to re-program reactions.  The technique I am talking about  is just a tiny part of the vast ways of using NLP and your mind, to create quick and lasting change.  I will be holding a Q & A teleseminar in June to provide more information. Sign in on the box at the right to be put on our mailing list, and when you sign it you give also get a powerful breathing exercise to produce calm in just seconds.

In the NLP technique we will be using at the end of the week we will be changing the elements of an image.   The reason to learn to do this is that when you learn this technique you will have a quick way to negative feeling.  When we change the elements or parts of the picture amazing things happen to the feelings you have.    As a simple example  pretend you are looking at picture of a beautiful sunset in all its glory in full color.  Imagine what feeling that would create. But now imagine that you are changing the picture to black and white, that would perhaps create a different feeling for you. Imagine it in shades of brown, that creates yet another feeling (or even no feeling).  Next, keep the picture of the sunset in full color but this time imagine that there are the harsh sounds of traffic and people yelling in the background, that would probably create a completely different feeling.  But if you take out those sounds and  floated in the sounds of your favorite music to go with the  color image that might create yet another feeling.

You can use this same type of technique with the pictures or images you have in your mind.  It is important to understand a number of things before going ahead with this technique.

1. First you need to get the picture that you want to work with.
2. Then you write down all the elements in the picture.  I will give you questions today to help you with this.
3. Once you have the elements we can begin to change them one at a time.  This is very important, change only one element at a time.  Notice how it changes things, and then put it back to the original.
4. Then you change the next element, all the while making notes of the effect on the picture and on the feelings you have.
5. When you find all of the elements that go in the direction you desire, you then change them all and notice what happens.

NOTE:   When we are working with a memory or image of something that brought on negative feelings, some element changes will make the feeling worse, some will make it better and some will have no effect.  That is why it is so important to change just one thing at a time.  This is so powerful that some people feel more comfortable having someone trained in these techniques to help them the first time. I am happy set up an appointment to do that, and I offer a free consultation, just contact me at askdraudrey@gmail.com.

So for today let’s start the process by answering the following questions. They will help you to get the elements of the image.  For this exercise use a slightly negative memory, not a major problem. We will be using it as a practice exercise, so you can see what happens as you change the elements.   I will give detailed directions in my next post for changing the elements.  For today we are learning about the elements of the picture/memory/image.

Some of the elements that we will be looking at are: color, size, sound, brightness and focus.

1.  Think of a slightly negative event, or memory.  Becoming aware of the thoughts and images and notice the feelings that go with it.  You might even notice where in your body you feel the emotions.  (The feelings in the body can also be shifted using the NLP technique).

2. Answer the following questions:
a.  Is the image in color or black and white?
b.  Is any one else is in the picture? What is their expression?
c.  What effect does their expression have on your feeling?
d.  Is anything smaller or larger than life, or is everything life size?
e.  Is there any sound in the picture?”
f.  Is it a snap shot or a moving picture?
g.  Is the image bright or dim?
h.  Is it in focus or out of focus?

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