Anxiety Control Center

Unhappy With Your Life? It Could Be Negative Mantras.

Dr. Audrey talks about Negative Mantras

Have you ever doubted yourself or been hesitant to speak out when others have ideas in conflict with yours? Have you ever procrastinated because you were afraid you just couldn’t do something perfect enough?  Have you ever wondered why people who are less talented, attractive or intelligent than you are seem to feel so much better about themselves than you do?

Many intelligent, creative and successful people harbor inner self doubt that would amaze anyone looking in from the outside. As a therapist, I see the pain that is caused when people beat themselves up mentally with negative self-talk. Some of the people who come to see me are already aware of the harmful messages they give themselves.  But others send themselves these messages unconsciously, replaying them over and over without even being aware of them. I call these harmful messages “negative mantras”.

For a long time, eastern religions have known the power of mantras. These are powerful phrases, repeated over and over, in order to bring about a positive spiritual change. And though you might not have such a fancy name for it, the chances are that you probably use mantras everyday.  Quite simply, mantras are the things we tell ourselves.  A mantra could be what you say to yourself to get psyched up for a big meeting.  Or what you tell yourself to stay positive when life is getting you down. When mantras are positive and constructive, they can help us enjoy our lives and achieve our goals.  But the negative things we tell ourselves can also act as mantras, and can have a profound effect on our lives.

Negatives mantras can cause you to feel responsibility and guilt for things that are not your fault, hamper your ability to get along in relationships, or cause you to doubt your own talents or abilities. These feelings can lead to over-eating, anxiety, procrastination, addiction and depression.  Negative mantras can keep you from achieving your goals and take the joy out of the things you love.

So what can you do if negative mantras are interfering in your life? Read the rest of this entry »

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Sleep Disturbances

Tossing, turning, watching the clock for hours – is this how you sleep? The harder you try to sleep, the more elusive it becomes. You’ve tried everything and are still awake. You are frustrated because you really want a restful night’s sleep. Worse yet, during the day you are tired.

There is hope!

Help for Sleeping

10. “Tips For a More Relaxed Sleep”- will give you real strategies to use tonight for falling asleep.

11. The “Wonderful 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 All-Purpose Relaxer” – is one of the simplest skills to learn. It uses a three-layer approach to create a profound sense of total relaxation. This technique provides an excellent way to help you fall asleep. Use it again if you wake up during the night.

12. The “Soothing White Light” – is used to promote healing and calm through visualization using all the bodies’ senses.

13. “Passive Progressive Relaxation” – is a great mental exercise that, among other things, sharpens problem solving and creative thinking skills by using the mind to relax the body physically.

“When I began therapy, the main reason was panic attacks. I had all sorts of health problems that I never knew were related. Thanks to the techniques I learned, the health problems are gone. I’m still amazed that Audrey was somehow able to teach me to end the debilitating cramps and naseau associated with my menstrual cycle. As far as the attacks are concerned, I’m no longer fearful that I may have one. I know that I am in control of my mind, not the other way around.” TD

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Rapport

Hello again, I’m Tish one of the hypno-therapists at the Anxiety Control Center. I’ll be writing today about everyday occurrences and the importance of using rapport skills to get what you want.   Something happened today that really reminded me once again of how important rapport can be.

This is actually a two- part post. Today I will tell you what happened and then in my next post, I will explain what rapport is and how you can use it.

I have been having a lot of mechanical trouble with my car.  It seems like is has been in the repair shop more that it has been in my possession.  Yes, that is an exaggeration, but the point I am trying to make is that it has been a frustrating journey with this vehicle.

Three weeks ago it had to be towed to the repair shop because it was making very strange banging noises and I didn’t feel safe driving it.  After two days in the shop the technician told me that they had identified and fixed the problem. Three days later the strange, banging noises started again.  So this morning I called road service to have it towed to the repair facility again.  The tow truck operator called to verify my address and started the conversation with “so, you broke your car.”  I realize that this was his attempt at humor; however, my frustration level with my car was pretty high at that moment.  I calmly replied that I did not break my car.  He continued with something like so how did you break your car. Again, staying calm I replied that this was the second time this month that there was something wrong with my car which required it having to be towed to the dealer because apparently it was not fixed the last time.

So what does this have to do with rapport?  I guess a definition of rapport would be in order here.  Rapport is many times defined by examples of how it is used.  However, a good start would be: when there is understanding and agreement between people rapport is established, which builds trust.

So using the above situation that I described, if the tow truck operator started by gaining rapport and then injecting humor, I might have been more receptive.

For example:

Tow Truck Driver: I understand that your car is broken and it needs to be towed to a repair facility.

Me:      Yes, in fact this is the second time this month it needed to be towed.

Tow Truck Driver:  Wow, that must be very frustrating for you, two times in one month.

Me:  You bet it is!  I’ve had to change appointments and rely on other people to take me places.

Two Truck Driver:  Having a car that is unreliable must really be annoying.

In the above example, two things are actually occurring.  The tow truck driver is using another skill that we call, active listening and while doing so, is establishing rapport with me..  By the end of this new “conversation”  I would feel like the tow truck driver understands my frustration and is on my side.  Now if he wanted to say something humorous, I would probably be receptive to it and maybe even enjoy a good laugh.

In my next post I will go into detail about a number of different ways to establish rapport.

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Dr.  Audrey talks about

Dealing With Anxiety and Fear

It’s amazing the things I hear every day in such common places as restaurants, bookstores, or even in the doctor’s waiting room.  There are so many people out there who suffer from panic attacks or know someone who does.  Just the other day, I overheard a conversation between a few women, one of whom couldn’t go over the bridge because of her intense, uncontrollable fear.

I specialize in helping people with Anxiety disorders and I wished I could just go over and tell her that help is available.  I tried to think of a way to slip her a brochure without intruding, but there was no appropriate way I could think of to do this and I left without saying a word.

This article is for her and the millions of people like her to let them know that there is help.  Panic disorder can take many forms.  Its victims may be afraid to fly, to go in an elevator, to drive, to speak in a group, to eat in public, to have  a needed medical test, to go to the dentist, and the list goes on.   For  victims of panic attacks, even doing everyday tasks such as waiting a grocery store line, can feel like a life and death situation.  How can anyone live full and happy life with such a burden upon them?

According to the U.S. Department of Health, over three million people suffer from panic attacks.  They describe their symptoms as:
* Racing or pounding heart
* Shortness of breath
* Dizziness, lightheadedness, or nausea
* Flushes or chills
* Shakiness inside
* Fear of losing control or doing something embarrassing
* Terror
*A feeling that something catastrophic is about to happen and being unable to stop it
* Fear of going crazy or dying

There are many therapists like myself who specialize in the treatment of Anxiety Attacks and Phobias.  So many, in fact, that it might seem impossible to choose one.  To make this important task easier, follow these simple steps.

1.  Find out what kind of therapy is used.  Some therapists use hypnosis for quick results.  Others use more drawn out therapy.  Some, like myself, choose the technique on a client by client basis.  You have the right to know what techniques the therapist is going to use, and how long you are likely to be in therapy.  Any good therapist will be happy to patiently explain their system to you over the phone.  Don’t get caught up in big words and fancy systems.  Insist on being told exactly what is involved, and most importantly, choose a therapist whose system you are comfortable with.
2.  Trust your instincts.  Talk to the therapist on the phone before you have your first appointment.  A good therapist will offer a free telephone consultation to get to know you and to explain their system.  You should feel comfortable talking to the therapist, who should be patient and friendly.  This is the most important thing.  You cannot get better by talking to someone who intimidates you.
3.  Once you find a therapist with whom you are comfortable, schedule an appointment.  It’s that easy to get help!
Whether you call the Anxiety Control Center or not, make sure you get help.  There are many therapists out there who can help you.  Don’t suffer for one more minute!  Pick up the phone and call a therapist!  For more information about Panic, Phobias and the ways available to get relief call for a free telephone consultation.

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I hope you have been practicing the “2 for 1″ exercise from last week, write to me at askdraudrey@gmail.com and let me know how it is working for you, I welcome your questions.  This week we will start by discussing a technique that can very quickly change  feelings, and even change pain, just by changing the elements of the picture.  Then at the end of the week I will give you the details for using this powerful technique. By learning to systematically change the elements of the pictures you create in your mind, it also creates a different feeling.

I know you are ready to get to the exercise, it is worth waiting for , I believe you will be truly  delighted at what is possible.  This is so powerful that I have successfully taught people to use a combination of these techniques to get relief from migraines, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and even nausea (in pregnancy and in other conditions).

So, if you haven’t read last weeks exercise, you still have a few days to practice it before we move  ahead with the next technique where we will be using Neuro-Linguistic Programming, (NLP).   NLP is a powerful way to use words and images to re-program reactions.  The technique I am talking about  is just a tiny part of the vast ways of using NLP and your mind, to create quick and lasting change.  I will be holding a Q & A teleseminar in June to provide more information. Sign in on the box at the right to be put on our mailing list, and when you sign it you give also get a powerful breathing exercise to produce calm in just seconds.

In the NLP technique we will be using at the end of the week we will be changing the elements of an image.   The reason to learn to do this is that when you learn this technique you will have a quick way to negative feeling.  When we change the elements or parts of the picture amazing things happen to the feelings you have.    As a simple example  pretend you are looking at picture of a beautiful sunset in all its glory in full color.  Imagine what feeling that would create. But now imagine that you are changing the picture to black and white, that would perhaps create a different feeling for you. Imagine it in shades of brown, that creates yet another feeling (or even no feeling).  Next, keep the picture of the sunset in full color but this time imagine that there are the harsh sounds of traffic and people yelling in the background, that would probably create a completely different feeling.  But if you take out those sounds and  floated in the sounds of your favorite music to go with the  color image that might create yet another feeling.

You can use this same type of technique with the pictures or images you have in your mind.  It is important to understand a number of things before going ahead with this technique.

1. First you need to get the picture that you want to work with.
2. Then you write down all the elements in the picture.  I will give you questions today to help you with this.
3. Once you have the elements we can begin to change them one at a time.  This is very important, change only one element at a time.  Notice how it changes things, and then put it back to the original.
4. Then you change the next element, all the while making notes of the effect on the picture and on the feelings you have.
5. When you find all of the elements that go in the direction you desire, you then change them all and notice what happens.

NOTE:   When we are working with a memory or image of something that brought on negative feelings, some element changes will make the feeling worse, some will make it better and some will have no effect.  That is why it is so important to change just one thing at a time.  This is so powerful that some people feel more comfortable having someone trained in these techniques to help them the first time. I am happy set up an appointment to do that, and I offer a free consultation, just contact me at askdraudrey@gmail.com.

So for today let’s start the process by answering the following questions. They will help you to get the elements of the image.  For this exercise use a slightly negative memory, not a major problem. We will be using it as a practice exercise, so you can see what happens as you change the elements.   I will give detailed directions in my next post for changing the elements.  For today we are learning about the elements of the picture/memory/image.

Some of the elements that we will be looking at are: color, size, sound, brightness and focus.

1.  Think of a slightly negative event, or memory.  Becoming aware of the thoughts and images and notice the feelings that go with it.  You might even notice where in your body you feel the emotions.  (The feelings in the body can also be shifted using the NLP technique).

2. Answer the following questions:
a.  Is the image in color or black and white?
b.  Is any one else is in the picture? What is their expression?
c.  What effect does their expression have on your feeling?
d.  Is anything smaller or larger than life, or is everything life size?
e.  Is there any sound in the picture?”
f.  Is it a snap shot or a moving picture?
g.  Is the image bright or dim?
h.  Is it in focus or out of focus?

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Detailed Directions for the  “2 For 1 Exercise”

To  stop stress and anxiety caused by thoughts of events that haven’t even happened yet, use this really powerful   technique.   Yes, it is true that this exercise will take a bit of work in the beginning, but with practice you will find it becomes an automatic habit.

OVERVIEW:
Step 1:  Make a list of any negative thoughts that go through your mind.  Use just one situation or event.

Step 2:  To help yourself to create enhancing thoughts, think about other possible “stories” about what might happen in the future.  Create 2 positive “stories” for each negative “story” you had created.

Step 3: Using the new positive thoughts will help you to  change the habit of negative thinking.

Full Directions for The “2 for 1″ exercise:

1. Write down any negative thoughts you have going through your mind, about a situation.  Write down any thought or “story” that causes stress or leads to other uncomfortable emotions.

It is important to write down the thoughts and images.  By putting them down on paper  you don’t have to keep going over them in your mind.  In a few moments you will begin to think of other possible outcomes that could also be possible.

2.  After identifying a negative thoughts or stories -  STOP -  and focus on the feelings they produce.  As you become aware of emotions notice where the feeling is “held” in your body.  Make a note of what words or images go with the thoughts or feelings.

3.  Sometimes a negative “story” or thought goes through the mind so quickly, that at first you might not even conscious of it.  Sometimes you will notice the physical reaction before even realizing there was a thought.  So take a moment to search for these thoughts, and the physical reaction to them.   If there is trouble finding the thought, just go back in your mind, to the event causing upset.  Then, go to the moment just before the emotion was felt, and let you unconscious mind bring to the surface any images, sounds or memories.

Being curious is the best state to be in to bring thoughts and images into awareness.  Write down the thoughts, negative “stories” or images that move through your mind.

Negative thoughts can create a vicious cycle as more negative thoughts pop up to support the first one.  This creates unnecessary anguish and stress.  People can create many negative thoughts in just an instant.  By recognizing a thought, it becomes possible to stop, and correct the negative thought process.

4.  When you feel a bodily reaction, such as tightness, pain in the stomach, head, chest, etc. ask yourself: What are you saying in your mind?  Remember there is always a trigger for bodily reactions.

5.  As you become aware of any negative statements answer the following questions
a.  For one day, pay attention to how many negative thoughts you create.
b. How often in a day do you have negative comments flowing through your mind?
c.  Would you talk to your best friend this way?  Would they still be your best friend ?
d. Is there a benefit that comes from speaking to yourself in this negative way?  What do you gain?
e.  What is the negative result of thinking in this way?
f.  If you believe there is a benefit, can this benefit be gained in a different, more self-enhancing way?

6.  Create 2 positive believable possibilities for every negative thought.

7.  Every time a negative thought moves through your mind, replace it with two positive ones.
a.  The positives need to be something that is believable.  For instance, saying “I’ll handle it” is a positive statement that is believable, since we do handle things that come our way.
b.  It will not help to say, “everything is OK” if you do not truly feel this way, for then it is not a believable, positive statement.

8.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, use the power of your own mind in a productive way.  Think of A BIG RED STOP SIGN, and hear the word “STOP,” shouted out in your mind.  Then, say two of the positive thoughts that you have written down to replace each old negative one.

REMINDERS: ‘2 for 1” EXERCISE
a.  Changing negative thoughts to positive ones is done at the conscious level at first. Eventually the habit of changing negative thoughts into positives ones happens automatically, almost without any thought.

b.  The positives need to be believable.

c. It takes time to change any habit.  Just as an athlete practices to be good at his sport, this technique takes practice as well.

d.  Practice this for three weeks, and be amazed at how automatic this positive habit becomes.

e.  Over time the “2 for 1 technique” creates more self-acceptance, calm and confidence.

Next week we will discuss another way to use your mind to stop negative thinking.  If you would like a head start, add the following to your exercise.  You might find your answers in the next exercise to be interesting, since you are beginning to look at the smaller elements that make up thoughts and images.    I will discuss what to do with the answers in my post next week on using advanced  NLP techniques for stress relief.

Exercise for Next week.  After becoming aware of the thoughts underling uncomfortable feelings, answer the following questions:
a.  Is the image in color or black and white?
b.  Is any one else is in the picture? What is their expression?
c.  What effect does their expression have on your feeling?
d. Is anything smaller or larger than life, or is everything life size?
e.  Is there any sound in the picture?”
f.  Is it a snap shot or a moving picture?
g.  Is the image bright or dim?  Is it in focus or out of focus?

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