Anxiety Control Center

Thank you all for the feedback on our online coaching calls. I’m delighted to hear of your successes. I know we have some time before the next class, so keep the emails flowing on things you want help with.

I just received an email from one of the students in the class.  I’m sure it will resonate with many of you. Here is her question.

Student Question:  I would like a self-hypnosis for patience. I tend to lack patience in certain events and when I want to move from one project to the next.

Audrey’s Answer:  Before we can decide on what type of self-hypnotic technique would be effective in creating more patience, we need to get some more information.  Sometimes a lack of patience is caused by negative self-talk.  For instance telling yourself you “can’t” do it.  Or saying you won’t do it right enough.  Or creating a feeling of overwhelm because you feel the task is too big.

First step is to think back to a situation where you didn’t have “patience”.  What does that feel like when you don’t have patience?  Is it a feeling you get in your body? Your mind? Both?  What are you “saying to yourself?”

I’m going to guess that you are telling yourself something negative about the fact that you are moving from one project to another.  Are you giving yourself a hard time for not sticking to one thing?  Or are you feeling overwhelmed with the task and therefore moving to a different one

The answers to these question will tell us where to go next in getting relief from stress and the feeling of lack of patience with yourself or with the task.

For those not in the class you can start with the “Haaa Breath” to change your state (of mind) in just moments.  For the written instructions go to the upper right side of this page and sign in.  Once you’ve done that, you can go to the online coaching web site to get the video on doing this breath.

At the top navigation bar you can watch the video for breathing for calm.  Just click on the “mind expanding exercise” located on the top navigation bar at the online coaching website. Just click here to get to that site. Or go to www.actionendsprocrastination.com.  To get a copy of the Action Plan for each of the last 3 sessions you’ll find them at the top navigation bar at that site as well.  When you put the cursor over “online workshop” there is a drop down with the action plan’s.

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Today we continue to discuss the conscious and unconscious parts of the mind.   By understanding which part of the mind holds the unwanted “program” it makes it possible to change the programing. When there are things we don’t like in ourselves the unconscious part of the mind is usually where the root lies.

Sometimes it is easier to understand the difference between the conscious and unconscious by comparing  the two parts to the different parts of the computer.  The conscious mind can be compared to the screen on a computer, while the unconscious mind would be more similar to the hard drive, including all the programs running there.

As most of us know the hard drive has so much more information than what shows up on the computer screen.  When there is a glitch in the computer programming, no matter how many times we try to fix it on the computer screen, the glitch will continue until we fix  the faulty program.    To fix “faulty” programming in a human we go to the part of the mind where the programming is located, the unconscious.   By releasing or reprogramming old limiting beliefs, habits and repressed emotional issues at the root, true and lasting change can take place.

Because the unconscious is like the hard drive, with so much information, and of course the programs “set in” during childhood.  This is the part we go to in order to make lasting change.  To gain entrance to the unconscious we use hypnosis and trance.  The trance state makes it possible to release old emotions and reprogram new  habits, beliefs and move past what causes us to get stuck in life.

So, if you find yourself falling back into old patterns, cut yourself some slack.  It’s not because you haven’t tried to change, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t motivated it might be that you’re just using the wrong part of the mind.

So start by pulling out the the self blame and the resulting  frustration it causes.   Know that change is possible when you learn to  use the “right” part of the mind.  Falling back into old habits is typically  because the old program is still running, no matter your good intentions.  This can be changed, once you understand which part of the mind to use.   I have found this to be the case no matter how difficult the issue seems. For more information on this  and other “feeling stuck” issues look for our upcoming posts in the New Year.

We are still accepting questions for our upcoming teleseminar on procrastination and fear.  We have lots of questions we haven’t answered yet, we will continue posting the answers in the upcoming weeks.   To send your question just click on the word question it will take you to Audrey’s email. Put in your name and question and we hope yours will be one chosen for the upcoming teleseminar.

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In the last few posts I’ve been talking about different ways of creating rapport.   And as we all know when first meeting someone, whether it is social or business creating rapport is important. There is unconscious communication that goes on between people all the time.  Learning about this underlying component to communication is an exciting undertaking.

In therapy is it vital to understand the unconscious part of communication. Without this knowledge both client and hypnotist can feel frustrated and disappointed. We started with some of the skills of NLP: the use of words and “lead system” to create connection, comfort and ease.

Yet there are way to listen and respond without the use of use words.  When you know how to use non-verbal communication you have another very powerful skill for your communication “toolbox”. Not long ago I was leading a workshop for people with social phobia on how to flirt. Because speaking is so difficult for people with social phobias, I created a simple exercise where the participants simply matched 3 types of “body language.” While they used this matching skill, they had a simple conversation.  The verbal conversation wasn’t the important part of this exercise, it was about the magic that can happen by using this simple rapport building skill.

The participants found that a warm connection was established using this non-verbal technique.  This type of connection was new for the people taking this workshop.

The following are 6 interesting ideas about rapport:

1 – Of the many basic rapport skills, the easiest to learn are: matching and mirroring the body movements of another.

2 – Although rapport can occur naturally, you can also learn the skills of verbal and non-verbal rapport.

3 – Two of the more advanced NLP techniques that can be studied are eye accessing and languaging patterns.

4 – “When people are like each other, they like each other.” It is amazing that even when you don’t agree with someone you can still create rapport using these techniques.

5 – When people unconsciously feel like you they feel connected, and what you say matters.

6 – Rapport is a powerful way to let the other person know that you are in tune with them.

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I have been getting a number of questions and I thank all of you who have sent them in.  In the next few posts I’ll give some tips or exercises as I answer the questions I’ve received.  Please keep the questions coming, see the end of this post for directions:

Question:  “It seems that you believe you only can reduce stress by going to the unconscious part of the mind. Is there anyway I can reduce stress without doing self-hypnosis or trance?

Answer Part 1: Yes,  I do believe that using a trance state to reprogram unconscious patterns is the most effective and lasting way to change unwanted habits and limits.  Yet, you are correct that is important to use all the parts of the mind.  Many times I incorporate cognitive and behavioral skills usually used on the conscious level into hypnotic exercises.

To answer your question yes there are many exercises I teach that help to bring down stress. These can be done without going into a trance state.  Let’s start by talking about the stress reaction itself and then tomorrow I’ll post an exercise you can practice.

1. Stress reactions do not come out of the blue, even when it feels like they do. For many people it is the feeling of being out of control that increases the stress.

2. So the first step is to remind yourself, that whenever you feel stressed,  there is a trigger.  It might be so tiny it just flits through your mind, but it is there.

3. As you begin to take a moment to recognize that the stress reaction is always in response to a stimulus, you might find can be helpful to change your reaction from “why is this happening” to the question “what is this about.

4. By changing the question from “why” to “what” makes a big difference.  The why question usually leads to self blame.  The “what is this about” question leads to curiosity.  Being curious put you back into a healthy state of mind for new learnings.

If you look at the right side of this screen you’ll see a page called worry busters, these are also skills that can be used in the “conscious” state of mind, no trance necessary.

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We are asking for your help
If you have anxiety, panic, feel stuck or procrastinate, please send us
the single most important question you would like answered.

Every one benefits from the questions you send a question

* By sending in your question you are taking a physical action.

* Taking action is the first step to making a change.

* Your questions  help us to develop programs that are targeted to your needs.

* Questions help others who may not have the courage to ask, or think they are all alone.

To get you started with your question think about this:  If you had access to an expert on reprogramming the mind to get relief from panic, fear or feeling stuck -  what question would you want answered?

Take action and send in your question now.  Just go the contact Audrey tab at the right side of this page, it will take you to Audrey’s personal email address.  Once at the email, you just write in your question and your name and email, and hit send.  To show our appreciation for your questions you will be invited as our guest to the next tele-seminar given my one of the staff of the Anxiety Control Center.

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(continued from this morning’s post ( 3 )

Remember that each of us processes information in a different way. The 3 types of processing are visual, auditory and kinesthetic.   To find out your “lead system” do this simple exercise.  Imagine an apple.  Do this before reading the rest of the instructions. Now that you’ve thought of an apple.  Here is how you know what your lead or preferred system of processing is.

If you are “talking to yourself” about what type of apple you are supposed to be thinking about, you just might be an auditory, because you are hearing yourself speak about the apple in your head.  An auditory person might be thinking about the crunching sound as a bite is taken.

If you see a red or green apple in your mind’s eye, or if you can say if it is a large or small apple, then you are probably a visual.  Because you are seeing it “in your mind’s eye”.

For a person who is kinesthetic you might tell me that it’s a cold apple, or that its a large heavy own.   If you can imagine feeling the coolness before you even see it i”n your mind’s eye”, chances are you might process information in a kinesthetic. (feeling) way.

For a hypnotherapist knowing the lead system is important in helping a client easily to go into trance.  You would want to use words that follow the preferred system.  As a hypnotherapist we help people to learn to purposefully use all three Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic.  When you include all three in your work  you get a very powerful way of creating change.  Also if you know about these three type of ways of processing you can use it to create rapport in an instant.  But that is a whole other seminar.
to be continued tomorrow

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Hypnosis Fact and Myth: Excerpts from a seminar given by Audrey Sussman PhD for new practitioners of hypnosis.

This morning we were discussing a common fear people have about hypnosis and going into trance.  Many people are afraid they will do something embarrassing.  I was telling the story about a woman I was talking to a lunch one day who had been in a stage hypnosis show.  She had a first commented that she felt compelled to follow suggestions.  So I asked her the question about what would have happened if the hypnotist had asked her to do something outrageous.   What I actually said was, “if he asked you to run around naked, would you have done that?”  As I suspected the woman replied, that she would never do that, as a matter of fact, she then remembered that she didn’t do a number of “stupid” things the stage hypnotist asked her to do.

This little story is a fun way to point out that under hypnosis, a person won’t do anything that is against their value system.  If on the other hand this woman valued running around naked, she might do what the hypnotist said and then later say but he made me do it.  In reality we won’t do what doesn’t fit with who we are.  I just use this little story to dispel the popular notion that a hypnotist can take control of someone. .  .

to be continued in tomorrow.

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